Lists Work

20 kickass ways to get fired

A guide to remind you what NOT to do in the office

Day jobs can feel like blood-sucking vampires and, in this case, draining out the blood of our lives away while trying to hold onto some sense of sanity to collect that paycheck. We’ve all been there before, along with needing those healthy benefits. However, we forget to track our understanding of our mind resulting in sleepless nights, binge drinking, and excessive complaining. Whether it’s from being laid off, fired, or simply walking out that door, one day, we will crack. Everyone makes these common mistakes, including the companies for letting you go. We figured to give you some bankruptcy and lack of health insurance momentum to guide you with twenty fantastic ways to get fired. 

01) Romance Love-end

Roses are red, violets are blue, who knew that our office lust would be so true….NOT. The office fantasy should stay with film and TV and never turn into reality. Ever hear the phrase, “don’t shit where you eat?” Once everyone in the office knows the following can happen: When the office romance dissipates, the drama will spread faster than COVID-19. The possibilities run wild with negativity; you can get fired or decide to quit and lose all sense of income possibilities just because you “fell in love.” 


02) Showing up smashed

Cheers! You managed to get yourself completely sloshed before 9 am. What did you expect would happen? Oh, that’s right, you believe you’re one of those “professional” and “functional” drunks. Well, think again, dip shit. 


03.) Hitting snooze one too many times 


Ya snooze, ya lose. 


04) Ignoring the non disclosure agreements


You’re so excited that you got to work on Marvel’s first-ever horror film; Iron Man kills Freddy Krueger, you couldn’t help yourself but brag about it on the toxicity we call social media. You worked on Motörhead’s new album featuring previously unreleased Lemmy recordings. You had to blast this information on your blog with no following while working for a major label. You booked your first Superbowl commercial featuring Bill Murray and decided to blab the info in one Tweet. Yeah, enjoy that ego of yours and the thrill of bragging, but remember, it leaves you with no money in the end.


05) Miserably trying too hard

You have to make that sale! Commission, commission. Money, money, money. Win, win, win! When the client hangs up and refuses all offers, and you somehow insist on calling back nonstop until someone will hopefully respond. You find yourself calling and calling, more than a psychotic ex that doesn’t understand what the word break-up means. You can either end up with a restraining order or let go from the company to avoid receiving said restraining order…or lawsuit.  


06) Lack of anger management

We all have our bad days in the workplace, but cursing out your co-workers, screaming, and throwing temper tantrums is never a good thing. These actions will set you free from your place of income and employment.


07) Fighting fire with fire on “reply all”

You had a bad day and decided to curse out your boss to the one person you confide in at the workplace. However, somehow, that response didn’t just go to Susie and Bob Gossip; it went to the entire company by accidentally hitting reply all resulting in a blast email. Your boss had no choice but to kick you out. 


08) Social media obsession

Nothing is safe on the internet, ever. Not even this article! One must seek and destroy attention from strangers instead of focusing on your job.


09) Discovering your personal adult website

While some employers overlook one’s history, jobs, and what have you. Some companies will find just about anything you share about yourself on the internet and use it as an excuse to can you. 


10) Spending too much time browsing the web


Imagine all of that paperwork piling up, but you need to check the likes on your recent Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter of an image of yourself eating a hot dog for lunch. Then, you had to google the hotdog type and find which buns to order next, followed by searching for a recipe to make homemade organic, gluten-free keto-friendly ketchup. The internet trend is endless, and somehow, you’ve forgotten the paperwork you were asked to do in the first place. Your boss eventually notices your absent-minded behavior and has someone escort you out the door.


11) Excessive cell phone use

Cell phone addiction is real. Just look at all of those notifications and messages; these popups will make one feel the need to check their phone frequently. You can see this type of behavior in the movie The Social Dilemma. Avoiding work to look at your phone will result in a downfall of productivity and lead you to find yourself out of a job.


12) Constantly calling out “sick”

Everyone is entitled to a sick day or two, but when an employee abuses this power, the boss will catch on and eventually give you a permanent “sick” leave without pay.


13) Sexual harassment  


This behavior is never OK.


14) Overstepping your boss

Depending on the personality, sometimes, you can lose your job if you overstep or outsmart your boss. 


15) Your height

Sadly, this is true. Example: When applying for a bartender gig, depending on the bar could have a height requirement. Like theme parks, there should be a sign that says, “You need to be this tall” to reach the cocktail glasses. One would think it would be better to lower the glasses but sadly, not all locations are like that.


16) Sleeping at work

Whether you’re working remotely or at the workplace, your employer will eventually catch on to your daily idles.   


17) Drugs

Even in 2020, employers require a drug test and will fire or refuse to hire you if they find a trace of marijuana. And when other drugs are found, forget about it.


18) Constant complaining

If you’re always cursing, complaining, and revealing how unhappy you are at the workplace, your employer will eventually do you a favor by merely letting you go.


19) One too many mistakes


A few mistakes here and there is one thing, but when you keep making the same mistakes, clearly something is wrong, and maybe you aren’t fit for that position.


20) Theft

Stealing office supplies such as pens and post-it notes is one thing. But when you decide to take things to the next level with expensive supplies or $40,000 cash from your boss when you were supposed to deposit that money to the bank, it can lead you to lose your job, in jail, or worse.


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